She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
