I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
