Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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