I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
