no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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