My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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