So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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