I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
