A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
