glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
