I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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