And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
