Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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