I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
