Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
