I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
