He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
