the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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