Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
