This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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