ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You're a waste of cheezeits
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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