I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
