I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
