i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
