I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
