I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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