having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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