You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize