I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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