Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
