my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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