i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
