I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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