every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
