Your mouth is God's brothel.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
