I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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