totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
