He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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