captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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