He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
