I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
