my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
