So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
