im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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