Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
