A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
