I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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