I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i think my mom watched the whole time
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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