Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
