so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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