Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
