So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
