just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
