I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
