I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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