How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
