i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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