hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
