3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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