Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
