Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
