you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
