I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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