Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
