She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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