And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize