Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
