just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
