it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
