I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
